Mask fanaticism in California reached apogee on Saturday.
The office of Governor Gavin Newsom declared that restaurant customers should wear their Chinese Virus Defense Mask between bites.
Yet the tweet from Newsom’s office also urged diners to minimize removing one’s mask.
That would mean eating at a furious pace and stuffing as much food in one’s mouth as possible like a competitor in Nathan’s annual hot-dog eating contest.
The Tweet
CBS News picked up the tweet just after suppertime yesterday for people on the East Coast:
Yet the rest of the tweet offers seemingly contrary advice to restaurant patrons, who, understandably, might be confused.
In a graphic titled COVID-19 Dinner Tip 1, the governor warns diners to “minimize the number of times you take your mask off.”
The graphic features a woman at a table and ordering from a menu with her mask on, the woman eating with her mask off, and then the woman handling a napkin with her mask on.
The graphic does not offer detailed instructions on how many times a diner should chew his food between bites, or, even more importantly, how much food a diner should pack onto his fork or spoon to minimize mask removal.
It might be wise, for instance, for diners to stop using forks in favor of serving spoons to maximize food ingestion between mask removals. Restaurants might also offer the option to have dishes ground into mush to speed consumption and minimize chewing.
Repeatedly removing one’s mask skillfully almost sounds like it calls for instruction from The Karate Kid’s Mr. Miyagi: mask on … mask off … mask on … mask off.
The Thread
Understandably, Twitter users were by turns bothered and bewildered.
For days, they’ve been tweeting questions and sarcastic comments about the tweet.
“Should we wash our hands after touching our mask each time we remove it between bites?” SolventButcher asked. “What if I’m eating chips and salsa and I go for a double dip? Is that technically two bites since it’s the same chip?”
“Shouldn’t diners take turns chewing so that there is never more than one mouth open at a time?” another asked. “Everybody chewing at once could cause someone’s death.”
That won’t be necessary with another user’s plan:
There shall be a designated employee (in hazmat suit) at each diner’s table. A diner at the table shall raise hand to take bite of food. Employee will pull down diner’s mask using 6’ pole & pull it up again between bites. Separate sterilized poles shall be used for each diner.
Replied another user, “So I can take my mask off which causes contamination, eat my meal, then put the dirty mask back on and that will keep everyone healthy? How stupid do you think we are?”
Even a pro-mask Golden Stater thinks the idea is ridiculous:
Hi, CA resident here. I have no problem wearing a mask. I’ll do it in the grocery store. Hell I’ll gladly wear it at the gym. But if I’m at a table with my family and appropriately distanced from others THERE’S NO CHANCE IN HELL I’M WEARING A MASK BETWEEN BITES. YOU’RE INSANE!
Mind Control
The directive’s absurdity raises the question of whether public officials are testing Californians to find out how readily they submit to petty rules and regulations.
Social media offers an easy survey device to find out: How much more will the most regulated Americans tolerate?
Little resistance might tell public officials they can roll out more draconian or totalitarian measures more easily, and with little risk of anger or open resistance, when they determine the need.
